“you say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.
you say that you love the sun, but you find the shadow spot when the sun
shines. you say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when
wind blows. this is why i am afraid, you say that you love me too.”—William Shakespeare (via tolovewithambiguity)
I think back on the good times and the bad times. the times I cried for so many nights and before work, afternoons and away from you. the sexual insults you threw at me, the things you called me, the names you used, the words that put me down, the lessons you taught, the kisses and love we shared in bed, the drive homes and the crazy exploding buffets and late night scrambled egg pancakes. the many times I turned around to walk out when it was ridiculous for me to stay, the defense I threw in so people around me would perhaps understand, initial avoidance of my friends and childish paybacks by yourself served to a friend’s ad-hoc request to myself to meet up. I have no regrets leaving you, perhaps I should have left sooner, it’s obvious that I hurt you with the past you were never involved with considering how you aren’t able to cope with it, so it’s best for the both of us to leave. I’ve said the before, that the only thing I do is hurt you, not physically or mentally but with that “formulated memory” I told you and perhaps another other has, so yes, I can find it in myself to move out of this arrangement to not again “taint” you with myself and like that song you quoted by Blue October, there is also,
"So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I’ll never cross your mind."
sorry I came into your life. and sorry you can’t take what I say seriously. the promises I made, the things I said I’ll do, the things I wont. I already know how you see me since 5 breakups ago, it was a mistake to stay.
I know you’re mad at me for wanting to take this break. You being at some career meltdown, it’s as if I’m abandoning you. I offer myself as a friend for now, but you’re mad at me so everything I do would be as if it’s coming from a traitor, and I get that. but I’ll try, as much as I need time away from you, to be there for you. I do care about you, just remember that.
for someone who prides themself on logic I don’t see how freezing your heart over to be with me makes sense. ironically when it was something I have once told you affected me so much, it ended up being something we had a fight over.